Here it goes.........I have always wanted to have the time to journal/write down thoughts and life happenings. Today I chose to follow through with it. Lets see what transpires. =-) Right now its been a difficult couple of weeks. As I drove into work this morning, just worshiping and seeking God out....I just really wanted to gripe but felt so guilty to do so. After being involved in peoples/family difficulties lately, seeing it with my own eyes was just an eye opener. Life can be so much worse. Here I want to gripe that I don't have enough time or enough of me to be at every place, BUT not want to be at work.
I want to be at my sons award banquet today and see him accept his award, or I want to be at a rosary tonight, I also just want to be there more and more for others as they try to figure out how to get through the day or night. How selfish is that right? I can think of being at a million other places but work. LOL I live a hard life. I know right? My hearts desire just isn't matching up with were I am right now....I just asked God how can I be there for others now, besides prayer. I am talking about physically being there for someone? As I was visiting my cousin last weekend and seen all the children and families in the hospital my heart just sank. These people have real heartache and struggles...I am blessed. So why the frustration...not sure currently digging deeper into that...I think its just the "helper" inside of me...there's just never enough of me. If I truly could fly I would be at every event in my children's lives and would be there more for others. That is a true heart position. I pray that I just continue to represent HIM in all things that I do. In doing that I don't want to become wobbly in my posture/stance. Lately work has been so hectic so I think its safe to say life has been unbalanced lately. A thought that always come to mind is "Find Joy in the journey". Its a HUGE word to me everyday...I am trying to seek out that JOY that should come with life. What does Joy mean to you? To me its finding the good in current circumstances, laughter, taking a moment, worshiping always brings me joy, alot lately, I find freedom in it.
These are just my ramblings but it is a true struggle. LOL I know I cant physically be there for everyone that needs Christ in their lives but I do know that we serve a very big God and that he puts the desires of his hearts upon ours. So I have no doubt that he puts people on my heart for a reason..I just have to find out how to be there for them when I cant physically be at every place. That may just be a text ....lunch...girls night whatever that is...and making it possible.
I think I may like this blogging thing. Here's to all those ladies that are struggling...maybe small but maybe big. I continue to inquire .............
Lots of Love,
Jerrica
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